Carry On Regardless!

Finally, I feel ready to update my story. We have been home nearly 3 weeks now. The day we arrived was overcast and smoke filled the air. It must have been an instrument landing because I didn’t see a thing apart from cloud shortly after we departed LAX until we landed at YVR. We had a late night before departure due to trying to fix a Qantas stuff-up. I had a hard time with walking and standing in queues recently so we arranged for wheelchair transport at LAX and Vancouver. The check in person at Sydney said I wouldn’t need a wheelchair as it was only a short walk. She was wrong! However we did end up with three seats to ourselves on the Airbus A380 and I survived the trip without too much discomfort.

S’s son picked us up and drove us home. When we got there he had lost the key so it was a 2 hour wait before a locksmith got us in! It was good to sleep in our own bed though. Then it hit me……it had been sneaking up on me since we boarded the flight in Sydney. Depression…. The late night trying to communicate with Qantas…no cooperation re wheelchair……a long 14 hour flight..5 hours at LAX, then another 2-3 to Vancouver….it all adds up.

I learned a lesson at LAX….for the first time I was treated like a person in a wheelchair, which I was. I felt totally helpless and useless…I watched S struggling with baggage and I was unable to help her… I was almost crying with frustration until someone kindly offered to help. Immigration was a breeze and we didn’t get lost, thanks to my wheelchair assistant, so mixed feelings about that. Arriving at Vancouver, no hassles with immigration or customs despite the huge bag of drugs I was carrying. Enough pain killers to kill a horse, 2 Zoladex syringes and 5 vials of Xgeva which had to be carried in a small ice box, kept below 5 degrees C at all times. Again, at the baggage carousel, the frustration of feeling helpless. I begged a man to help S with the bags. He pushed me all the way to the car. S’s son met us in the arrival lobby and took over the baggage. But still, I want to be the one to do these things.

When people talk about prostate cancer metastasising to bones, it seems it is all about pain control. There is a lot more to it and not just the risk of fracture. Suddenly within a few short weeks it seems like I have become an invalid, barely able to climb steps or walk any distance. Suddenly I can’t carry the groceries any more. The weather didn’t help. Gloomy weather, gloomy me. I was missing Australia, I was missing my family. I was afraid of what could happen if I fractured any bones, insurance would not cover me. I guess it is no wonder I felt depressed. I could not get interested in anything…..

My big problem seemed to be mobility. I had used a scooter before when I had radiation. The problem with a scooter is, how to carry it in the car? Even the lightest ones were too heavy and too bulky for our car. I had been using a walking stick to ease the load on my left hip, but it is awkward and does not feel balanced, so I started looking at walking frames. They have come a long way from the old zimmer frames. I had seen people using them of course but did not think much of the idea of using one myself…but still…maybe?

After a bit of research I thought maybe that’s the way to go after all. A few days later I was reluctantly sitting in a supermarket coffee nook waiting while S did some shopping. An elderly lady with a walker came and sat near me and we got to chatting about her device. She said she wouldn’t be without it, it keeps her mobile. She told me where she bought it, so next day……….

IMG_20170913_202239489IMG_20170913_150209050~2

It is called a “Rollator”. It is lightweight, it folds flat, fits in the boot (trunk), I can lift it easily, it has brakes and it supports my weight evenly. I can walk around the malls, streets, parks or anywhere I need to go. Best of all it has a comfortable seat and a carry bag. If I need a rest, I can sit down. It is modern and stylish and easily seen when crossing streets. People using walkers smile and say hello!! And I smile and say hello back! I did a little test using the bathroom scales. The walking stick supported around 7kg, however was not consistent. The rollator decreases the weight on my hips and spine by 15 kg in a smooth evenly balanced way. I know it is not a scientific test, but convincing enough for me.

Another factor is that my pain levels have been increasing. I have recommenced using Norspan patches, 5mcg/hour. So far it is working, S gave me my second Xgeva shot 2 days ago. No side effects to speak of so far apart from the earlier depression. I take Ativan to help me sleep. Curcumin for its anti-inflammatory and healing properties and Gumby Gumby, an Australian Aboriginal herbal medicine, used for all types of conditions.

Every now and then the battle against cancer gets us down. After all we know who is going to win in the end. But the end is not yet. The fight goes on, I will continue to do what I can do and adapt to what I can’t do, if I can. BTW, I have started a new project, a Christmas stocking for my Darling. It is a needlepoint tapestry. It is very good therapy….My mood has improved, I think I will do more in the future…..

5 thoughts on “Carry On Regardless!

  1. Depression is one of cancer’s frequent companions. It’s haunted me, on and off, for years. I decided to take a two prong approach. First was talk therapy with a psychologist. Studies have proven that talk therapy produces changes in brain chemistry that are linked to depression. The second prong was drugs. It’s also been shown that the most effective way to address depression is a combination of drugs and talk therapy. I don’t see my psychologist all the time, just during those times where something disturbing is going on. He helps me with insights into how to think about the challenges. The drugs from the psychiatrist have had a more profound effect. It took a little while to find the right drugs and one’s needs can change over time. On balance though’ I’m a much happier person. You might want consider one or both.

    After reading your review. I think a rollinator is likely in my future. I hope to stave it off a little while longer with the water aerobics, but eventually I know I’ll need it.

    Sadly I can already relate to that helpless feeling at the airport with my wife. Due to back surgeries, I can’t lift anything over 20 pounds. My wife has to do all bag handling at the airport and everywhere else. It’s very embarrassing and humbling.

    You have a great attitude. It and S will help you immeasurably through this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your wise words my friend. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in 3 weeks and I believe you are right. The right drugs and someone to listen will help. I have felt a little better since posting. Had a good day out today and the rollator was a great help. Somewhere to sit when I need to. Great for shopping, though I don’t use it around the house or for short trips. I hope the water aerobics will help. Could be fun too! S says I should try it too! Maybe we both will.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. And a stylish looking set of wheels it is! I used one a couple of years ago and it was great to have the support and a portable seat. Here’s hoping that the down time is short and that you bounce back quickly. Cheers, Phil

    Liked by 1 person

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