Into The Valley of the Shadow…

I have just received the results of my latest blood test. As for the black salve, I feel it is too early to say. My latest psa was 12.9 ng/l, rising from 3.4 in three months. That indicates a doubling time of only 6 weeks. I cannot say what is around the corner…

My doctor thinks the rise may only be a rebound effect from stopping hormone treatment. I will have another psa test in two months and that will hopefully provide a clearer picture. I am concerned, I freely admit it. Meanwhile, I feel well and enjoy life day to day.

I am so fortunate to have the love and support of my partner, S. She has years of experience as a nurse both in Australia and in Canada and she keeps me grounded. I know it has not been easy for her, and while we joke about my erectile dysfunction and try to make light of it, we both yearn for a degree of intimacy that so far we have not been able to achieve.

My greatest fear though is for her happiness. She has not had an easy life and deserves so much more. I am concerned that perhaps my circumstances may end up causing her even greater sorrow. She is my Angel and she lifts me up, and I just want her to know that no matter what the future holds for us, having her in my life has made my life worthwhile.

However, we are not ready to give up just yet. We have much to look forward to and enjoy and will continue to take each day as it comes….

6 thoughts on “Into The Valley of the Shadow…

  1. I frequently worry that I am becoming too much of a burden on my wife. She says it’s fine and wants to be with me to the end. Still I feel guilty as my struggles with the process of dying and dying itself bring on depression and despair. Like you and S, we just take it one day at a time.


    1. I understand where you are coming from. It is not easy for any of us to deal with as a big picture. Our partners want to help, the best we can do is to not let depression and guilt beat us. It is not our fault, they know that. I try to show my partner that I appreciate her in any way I can. But, one day at a time, loving and leaning on each other, life can still be good!!

      Liked by 1 person

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